depression mode T_T

i'm totally defeated by yj antis tonite. i don't know where i should rant so here i am. hoping no one will read this.

oh God..why i feel like this so suddenly?? i'm always being a person who thinks positive and when ppl ask me about dbsk, i will confidently said 'they will come back'.

so with yj. all this time i'm following yj shipper on twitter, tumblr, fb, lj, forums and everywhere so i get updates about them. and yes all the site give me enough evidence to believe.

seriously i believe in yj!

but i don't know what happen tonight. some yj antis bashing me on twitter tell me to stop bothering jeje with yj related tweets. they said im delusional. i also read some tweets for my fellow yj shipper, the antis said we dunno the reality of korean entertainment industry. they said yj is just a fucking make-believe-promo by SME, yj is a grown up straight man, yj have girlfriend and so many more.

shit! i never hesitate to open yj site b4 and now, my hand even shaking when i try to click yj related tweets? God damn it!!!!

they totally success making me consider about giving up yj!! all this while i told myself that eventhough 1 day yj say that they are never real..i will still believe that they are. 

(oppss..gimme 5min breaks, i cried reading some tweets T_T)

oh my..i took more than 10mins and still..tears cannot stop. many cassies on my TL giving each other encouragement. i dunno what should i do.. should i open those yj site or watch yj vid to gain back the faith? or is t better like this? so i can be far and far n far from yj.

the truth is...i'm afraid. what if all the things antis said are true? what is yj is not real? what if i saw pix of them going on dating and kissing with girls? am i ready to accept those fucking facts? or it will hurt like hell and i will feel like my worlds gonna end? yeah..thats what i really scared of. THE TRUTH. i guess this is the reason why im like this. im afraid of the future...

good job stans.. good job. you makes my cry like a baby tonite. its been very2 long time since i cry like this..

i haven't decide what im gonna do. but i guess..as much as im afraid that i will hurt in future, i can't bear the hurt now to lose them. they are my life, they're my everything. my life is totally meaningless without them.

i can't stop.. i should fight.. but right now..im totally a hopeless soul~