A FRIEND

there's a friend that i really close too. she's not my the person i called my best friend my i guess these few years i'm more closer to her than my own bff. we're like soulmate. yeah..my bff is the one who crying with me when i've a problem, but this girl.. i feel like she knows me better than i know myself!

she knows how to confront me.. seriously i'm a person who is hard to deal with. my mom, my sis, my bff all knows this bad side of me. stubborn! like to ask opinions but actually push ppl to agree with my opinion. always end up fighting n hurting other ppl feeling. but this friend.. she always know how to deal with me. she knows to convince me with her idea without me realizing. she makes me thinking that is the way things should be.

sometimes opinions also clashed,we also fight. i dunno when exactly we started to get this close. too close till i feel like i lean too much on her. i want to share every story with her. everyday.. life so bored without her. seriously there's nothing wrong with this friendship but sometimes it makes me scared.

there once someone ask her hand on marriage. she rejected it but the guy still trying to get close to her. suddenly i feel like.. i'm worried. what will happen if she get married. is our frenship will remain like before. i'm pretty sure we can't get this close anymore. i tot im fine till my room mates said that my face look cloudy hearing the news. room mate said it will be ok n i should be happy for her. oh yeah..i definitely do. its juz.. i need time to get use to it -.-

this week she's on her overseas trip. seriously life is soooo boring coz cant share stories with her. i talk to her everyday and now its hardly to contact each other. uhuk2...

funny things is sometimes we act mushy2 like a couple. NOOO!! don't get me wrong, we're not in 'that' kind of relationship. just.. when she off work n we gonna stop chatting on ym, she'll say 'cal u later', 'will text u when i arrive home' and etc. that kind of talk should comes from a boyfren la! aish..guess i need to find a guy soon so im not always stick with her like an elephant glue~

whatever it is..its nice knowing her..... ^^

QUOTES

“No one is perfect until you fall in love with them”

“The risk in living for something is this: when that thing is gone, you’ll have nothing left but something to die for.”

depression mode T_T

i'm totally defeated by yj antis tonite. i don't know where i should rant so here i am. hoping no one will read this.

oh God..why i feel like this so suddenly?? i'm always being a person who thinks positive and when ppl ask me about dbsk, i will confidently said 'they will come back'.

so with yj. all this time i'm following yj shipper on twitter, tumblr, fb, lj, forums and everywhere so i get updates about them. and yes all the site give me enough evidence to believe.

seriously i believe in yj!

but i don't know what happen tonight. some yj antis bashing me on twitter tell me to stop bothering jeje with yj related tweets. they said im delusional. i also read some tweets for my fellow yj shipper, the antis said we dunno the reality of korean entertainment industry. they said yj is just a fucking make-believe-promo by SME, yj is a grown up straight man, yj have girlfriend and so many more.

shit! i never hesitate to open yj site b4 and now, my hand even shaking when i try to click yj related tweets? God damn it!!!!

they totally success making me consider about giving up yj!! all this while i told myself that eventhough 1 day yj say that they are never real..i will still believe that they are. 

(oppss..gimme 5min breaks, i cried reading some tweets T_T)

oh my..i took more than 10mins and still..tears cannot stop. many cassies on my TL giving each other encouragement. i dunno what should i do.. should i open those yj site or watch yj vid to gain back the faith? or is t better like this? so i can be far and far n far from yj.

the truth is...i'm afraid. what if all the things antis said are true? what is yj is not real? what if i saw pix of them going on dating and kissing with girls? am i ready to accept those fucking facts? or it will hurt like hell and i will feel like my worlds gonna end? yeah..thats what i really scared of. THE TRUTH. i guess this is the reason why im like this. im afraid of the future...

good job stans.. good job. you makes my cry like a baby tonite. its been very2 long time since i cry like this..

i haven't decide what im gonna do. but i guess..as much as im afraid that i will hurt in future, i can't bear the hurt now to lose them. they are my life, they're my everything. my life is totally meaningless without them.

i can't stop.. i should fight.. but right now..im totally a hopeless soul~